Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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