batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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