There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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