i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
