Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
