she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
