Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
