I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
