wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You were trust falling into bushes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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