I murdered the dance floor call the cops
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
