i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
