There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
