READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
