im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
