What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
