My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
