Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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