my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
