That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
