How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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