I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
