So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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