how can u be prego again
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
