Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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