i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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