Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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