am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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