Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
