I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
