My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
