I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
