you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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