dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
