You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
