In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
