dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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