I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
