A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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