this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
