I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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