was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You made out with two different species that night
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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