In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize