Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
