Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
