OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
