"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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