i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
