were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
