meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
