just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
