i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
