If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
