after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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