So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
