it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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