I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
