so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
