school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
