butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
