Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
