I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
