He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
