don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
