I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
