Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
two words...techno handjob
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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