i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
