who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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