no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
try to milk me bitch
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
