First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
