Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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