I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
