Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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